Jan 29, 2010

懐かしさ / nostalgia



大学時代に秘密で書いていたブログを読み直した。
五年前にもなる古い私の抜け殻を拾い歩いて、
今よりも圧倒的にドリーマーな自分を恥じらい、そして同時に羨望した。
小さな小さな世界の中でもがき、踊っていた私は
アンバランスで不格好な、でも確実に美しく繊細な翼で飛ぶことができたから。
しかしいつまで経っても、愛を恐れ願い続けているところは変わらないみたい。

現在がプレゼントだとしたら、過去はその贈り物を大切にすることなのかもしれない。



“赤い椅子とピニャ・コラーダ”
(2005年05月03日 23時48分)
彼女の瞳は、流れ星みたいに澄んだ夜の空に輝いた。私の耳にはその光の放つ跡しか残らない。
毎日、私たちの命の美しさを再発見しています。そしてその瞬きはいつも私に跳ね返ってくるのです。
「未来のことを考えたり、焦がれたりするのは無駄なことさ。
いまは宝箱みたいなものだけどね。だから現在(present)をプレゼントって呼ぶんだよ」
私の大好きな友人、アマンドが彼の遊び心溢れる目を大きく広げて教えてくれた。彼の庭に咲いたチューリップのお花くらい大きく。
「愛は、いつも私たちの中に残るから。
車を買ったり、家を買ったり、そこら辺の人達はそれから何も覚えることなんてない。
ただし、愛は愛によって覚えるんだ」
私の人生はなんて見えないものだってたまに感じる。
そんな時は、私は次の日をただ待つ。未来はすこしはましかもしれないって願いながら。
でも、愛することに恐れるのは嫌だな。

明日はまた晴れるように。



I reread the blog I used to secretly write during my college years.
After picking up all of my old empty shells from 5 years ago, 
I felt quite embarrassed and jealous at the same time about myself, who was way more dreamer than now.
Because I could fly with the unbalanced and ugly, yet surely beautiful and sensitive wings within the tiny-tiny world of struggle and dance.
I am still a fearful and hopeful person to love, though.

If the present is a "present", the past may be to take a great care of those treasures.

"red chair and pina colada"
2005-05-03 23:48

Her eyes shined like a shooting star stunning in a clear night. I only hear nothing, which remains the traces of the light it released.
I rediscover the beauty of our lives everyday, and its sparkle always comes back to me.

"There is nothing you can do by thinking and longing for the future. The present is like a treasure box, that's why it is called 'present.'"
My favorite friend Amando told me widening his playful eyes as big as a tulip flower blooming in my garden.
"It is love that always remains within us. Those old folks won't remember anything by buying cars and houses, but loves remembers love."
My life feels invisible sometimes, I tend to wait until the next day comes, hoping that something will be a little better in the future. but i do not want to fear loving.

Tomorrow will be sunny again.






4 comments:

Bonjour Juliette said...

Well thank you for the "present". That's exactly what i needed to start my day with some light and happiness... Thank you!

pimienta ぴみえんた said...

you are welcome!
i know its so cold and dark in the winter and need more brightness to get out from bed cheerfully.
i love your website, many cute colors!

up and down town said...

these images illustrate your post so beautifully. i could look at that figurine all day.
i wonder if anyone can ever explain how to "be" in the present, to be aware of and value and enjoy every taste of the day as it passes. children are experts of this, and their sense of time is so different.
what if we threw away our watches?

pimienta ぴみえんた said...

you are right, children are amazing on enjoying in the present!
I always want to keep sensing my child part of me but always fail...
it is not about forgetting concept of time or future, it is about how to enjoy our life.
thanks for commenting again, and I have to tell that i secretly tried your Dulce de Leche recipe and mmmh thanks it was absolutely yummy.